2014 Expert Witness Pazz & Jop Singles Poll Results


Though my newly arthritic fingers shriek to differ, Robert Christgau's active readership isn't a huge constituency - or at least not big enough to satisfy minimally the various Laws of Big Numbers. So, with a commendable (but still relatively small) 48 ballot showing, we're looking at some ties. Odyshape would have preferred to pare the results down to a triumphant top ten, attended by a vast sweep of also-rans, but the numbers had different plans. Almost eerily, we're looking at The Fine 14 of '14 - the fourteen songs that earned six or more mentions or, from another angle, appeared on at least 1/8th of all singles ballots. Ties, where they are broken, are broken according to the (typically) creative logic of resident Numbers Genius And All Around Good Guy (And Kiwi) Brad Luen - who suggested tied singles rank in inverse order of their albums' ranks. Enjoy. 


1. Teenage Wasteland - Wussy

  • 17 Mentions

2. Quarterback - Kira Isabella

  • 14 Mentions

3. Water Fountain - tUnE-yArDs

  • 9 Mentions

4. Longer Than You've Been Alive - Old 97s

  • 8 Mentions

5. Halloween - Wussy

  • 8 Mentions

6. Problem - Ariana Grande (ft. Iggy Azalea)

  • 7 Mentions

7. Blank Space - Taylor Swift

  • 7 Mentions

8. Trumpets - Jason Derulo

  • 7 Mentions

9. Turn Down For What - Lil Jon & DJ Snake

  • 6 Mentions

10. i - Kendrick Lamar

  • 6 Mentions

11. Happy - Pharrell Williams

  • 6 Mentions

12. Shake It Off - Taylor Swift

  • 6 Mentions

13. Platinum - Miranda Lambert

  • 6 Mentions

14. Horseshoe - Withered Hand 

  • 6 Mentions

Remaining songs that earned more than one mention will be lumped together by vote total, listed alphabetically by artist name (and, where needed, by song name).

 

5 Mentions

Boom Clap - Charli XCX

Fancy - Iggy Azalea

Chandelier - Sia

Good Kisser - Usher

4 Mentions

Love Me Harder - Ariana Grande (ft. The Weeknd)

Talk Dirty - Jason Derulo

Just One of the Guys - Jenny Lewis

Hard Out Here - Lily Allen

Anaconda - Nicki Minaj

Do It Again - Röyksopp & Robyn

Love Over Desire - Withered Hand

3 Mentions

Pain Pills - Angaleena Presley

#SELFIE - The Chainsmokers

Seasons (Waiting On You) - Future Islands

Artist in America - Hamell on Trial

The Voyager - Jenny Lewis

Drone Operator - Jon Langford and Skull Orchard

All The Girls Are Complicated - Laura Cantrell

Almost Like The Blues - Leonard Cohen

L8 CMMR - Lily Allen

Bathroom Sink - Miranda Lambert

Ain't It Fun - Paramore

Close Your Eyes (And Count to Fuck) - Run the Jewels

On The Regular - Shamir

Bury Our Friends - Sleater-Kinney

Style - Taylor Swift

To The Lightning - Wussy

2 Mentions

Archie, Marry Me - Alvvays

Flawless - Beyoncé

Bottoms Up - Brantley Gilbert

Super Pretty Naughty - Buck 65

Old 45s - Chromeo

Sweetheart Like You - Craig Finn

Primer Coat - Drive-By Truckers

Lilac - Eno & Hyde

Never Catch Me - Flying Lotus (ft. Kendrick Lamar)

Your Mom's Hot - Hamell on Trial

Marry Me - Jason Derulo

Bang Bang - Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj

Hideaway - Kiesza

No Black Person Is Ugly - Lil B

Close Your Eyes - Lily Allen

All About the Bass - Meghan Trainor

Automatic - Miranda Lambert

Smokin' and Drinkin' - Miranda Lambert

Only - Nicki Minaj

Lifestyle - Rich Gang

Uptown Funk - Mark Ronson (ft. Bruno Mars)

Three-Beer Queer - Ross Johnson and Monsieur Jeffrey Evans

Vermillion - Sofi De La Torre

Do You - Spoon

Rainy Taxi - Spoon

Heart Heart - Withered Hand 

North Sea Girls - Wussy

Florida Water - Young Thug & Bloody Jay


Miscellaneous (and Notable) Statistics

48 ballots submitted

284 songs mentioned 

216 singlets (check out the results here

Artist with the most songs mentioned: Withered Hand (8)

  • Horseshoe - 6 mentions 
  • Love Over Desire - 4 mentions
  • Heart Heart - 2 mentions
  • Between True Love and Ruin - 1 mention
  • California - 1 mention
  • Fall Apart - 1 mention
  • King of Hollywood - 1 mention
  • New Gods - 1 mention

Runners-up: Wussy (7and Miranda Lambert (7)

Previously mentioned Math Kiwi Brad Luen was shockingly the only participant to have voted for "Happy".... by John Fullbright. 

Ten of the 284 songs mentioned contain the word "love" in the title. Four contain "heart." Five contain "fuck." 

See anything else notable in the stats? Say so in the comments. And don't forget to post your ballot there too.