Drink Drank Punk


Today, Vlad Putin granted amnesty to Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina, the two-thirds of Pussy Riot who until now were serving 24-month sentences and writing letters to Žižek for the crime of playing punk rock in a church… or something. If that weren’t illegal (are we certain it is?), Russia’s kangaroo legal system would’ve found some other shit to warrant a sentence. Acting all gay in public, maybe? That one is definitely against the rules.

My point is: these gals are a revolutionary threat to a regime incubating schemes for re-branding permanent revolution as (transparent, this time. Promise!) state-run oil capitalism. So cheers to ideological purity. Cheers also to their youth - just months older than your author here, these two lead the world’s most important band. If they never cut another track - we’ll all have been made better for their moment, which is just now developing traces of an ending we can root for.

Meanwhile, on break from grad school - I woke up about noon, stumbled around until I had the wits to drive to Chipotle, and am now back, surfing Amazon because walking a mall means suffering the indignity of carrying heavy plastic bags full of nonsense. So, while I certainly haven’t earned myself a steklo s”yemki of Pussy Riot Vodka, it’s happening anyway - because this is America, and this is Christmas: eleven agonizing months of pretending to listen to your doctor redressed in the few weeks social ediquete dictates you become foie gras.

So, здоровье!

Because I suspect you’re in the same place as I (you better be, otherwise I’m drinking alone), I thought I’d lend my special expertise in music (suspect) and alcohol (absent) to suggest some pairings you can enjoy while listening yourself into a sensible year end list.

Vampire Weekend, Modern Vampires of the City
Fermented piquette in a clay chalice
Alternatively: Pabst

Omar Souleyman, Wenu Wenu
ﺍﻟﻤﻴﻤﺎﺱ Araq
Alternatively: That one dollar shot you take after dancing with the bride

Kanye West, Yeezus
There’s a rumor that listening to this album can turn a coupe of water into cocaine

MIA, Mantagi
One part coconut arack, two parts kerosine, garnished with a wick from Home Depot. Best served hot at or near Western embassies

Justin Timberlake, The 20/20 Experience Part 1 
Colombian bean espresso and Kuhlua, served alongside Peruvian ganache

Justin Timberlake, The 20/20 Experience Part 2
4loko and old ham

Parquet Courts, Light Up Gold
Didn’t Malkmus say something about Coors one time? No? It was Miller High Life? Okay Miller High Life. And IKEA meatballs.

Boards of Canada, Tomorrow’s Harvest
Zima. What, you mean you didn’t save any when they discontinued the brand? Why are you even listening?

Daft Punk, Random Access Memories
Ley .925 in a solo cup

Lorde, Pure Heroine
Grapefruit juice in an heirloom hip flask

Chance the Rapper, Acid Rap
Two tabs of California Sunshine dropped into a bottle of river wine - no pouring needed

DJ Koze, Amygdala
Two tabs of California Sunshine

Oneohtrix Point Never, R Plus Seven
T2o tbas 0x SunSH1@-! Cali

DJ Rashad, Two Cups
Two tuh- tw- tw… Two.. Teu .. Tab AB AB AB AB suh suh suh… Two tab… Suh oh oh oh oh oh cal cal cal cal cal cal …..
Lean

Eminem, The Marshall Mathers LP 2 
The 40s we found in the fall out shelter

Dismemberment Plan, Uncanney Valley
A warm glass of milk, hold the nog

Deerhunter, Monomania
Water - on the rocks

James Blake, Overgrown
Lay down on your neck and try to drink your own piss. It’s okay if you miss and get the floor all gross.

Drake, Nothing Was The Same
Bathe in Cristal - but don’t drink any. You don’t want a hangover.

Waxahatchee, Cerulean Salt
Dogfish Head, or whatever you like

Earl Sweatshirt, Doris
Try to find wine aged so long it’s now basically vinegar

The Knife, Shaking The Habitual
Bourbon straight from the tet of the working woman

Arcade Fire, Reflektor
Four gallons of Greek scotch

Miley Cyrus, Bangerz
Everclear, as much as you can find